If You Don't Know What The Word Orthodoxy Means, It Probably Wouldn't Mean Anything To You Anyway

It was sometime during the summer of 2003 - I don't recall the exact date, only that it was a month or two before I left for Steubenville - and I was still working as an attendant for the parking lot that belonged to St. Augustine Church and Catholic Student Center at the University of Florida. If you have read some of the blogs I link to - or if you have had ample opportunity to speak with me in person - you are no doubt aware of the less than sterling (and well deserved) reputation this particular parish has among Catholics who regard orthodoxy as a good thing. How I found myself relying on this particular parish for my only means of financial support is a story unto itself. Perhaps I will share it with you some day (along with the story of how people at the parish reacted when I showed up for work wearing a cap bearing the wonderful inscription: "Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club...Putting the Smackdown on Heresy Since 1981"). But I digress...

At any rate, on this fine and relatively quiet summer day I found myself being greeted by a number of people who were coming to the parish for a series of mid-day meetings. Although some of these folks chose not to give me the time of day (I had become somewhat notorious in the parish by this time, and for reasons other than that wonderful cap; but again, that is a story for another day), most of the folks who came in were exceedingly nice to me. Among these was a woman whom I knew to have what she would refer to as exceedingly progressive tendencies (what a horrible misappropriation of this word). As she pulled into the parking lot that day, she greeted me and, for whatever reason, decided to stop and have a chat with me. What was of primary interest to her - as to so many others in the parish at the time - was when I was going to go far away from Gainesville and begin the next phase of my life. Well, I had been in Gainesville for 8 years at that point and would have long since worn out my welcome even with people who didn't possess an unhealthy loathing for the beliefs I embrace, so I can only assume that hers was a genuinely benign interest. She seemed especially interested in whether or not I had ever considered going on to further education, and she rattled off the names of several Catholic schools she thought I should consider. I had been admitted to Franciscan University several months before; but I was still in the "I must be dreaming" phase concerning the fact, and was only too happy to share my joyous news with anyone willing to listen. She took the news in stride, said "That's wonderful!" - and what's more, seemed to mean it - and then began to drive off.

It occurred to me that she probably had not recognized the name of the school right away, so I looked at her car as it drove off to its parking place wondering if there would be a delayed response. Sure enough, she had barely gone twenty feet when she abruptly slammed on the brakes, shifted the car into reverse, and drove the car in reverse back to the spot where she had been speaking with me. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and in a tone of voice that suggested she was positively scandalized she asked me, "Wait a minute. Isn't that that conservative school?" Trying my hardest to suppress a laugh, I responded, "The proper term for it is orthodox." She shook her head incredulously, said, "Oh...so that's what they're calling it now," and proceeded to drive off.

I really, really wish I could tell you that I made that story up. But let's face it: oftentimes truth really is stranger than fiction. God bless!


In Jesus and Mary,
Gerald